A 19-year-old is torn between family pressure to forgive and a lifetime of pain from being neglected so his parents could chase the dream of having more children.
Let’s break it down
The backstory and early dynamics
The OP (original poster) was born to very young parents — just 19 and 20 years old. When he was only six months old, they began trying for another baby. But despite nearly two decades of IVF and other expensive fertility treatments, he remains an only child.
From the start, his life was shaped by their obsession. Every spare dollar, every bit of attention, and most of the family’s time went into their mission to have more kids. This meant no extracurricular activities, no proper school supplies, and sometimes not even enough food in the house.
The moment things shifted
As he got older, the neglect became harder to ignore. His lunch account would go empty for weeks, and teachers had to give him extra food. He had to reuse worn-out backpacks and never had new clothes unless his old ones were falling apart.
Socially, he was isolated. He wasn’t allowed to host friends and rarely attended birthday parties. When he did visit friends’ houses, his parents would often fail to pick him up — once leaving him stranded for over four hours until a friend’s mom called his grandparents.
The final confrontation
By his late teens, OP was practically raising himself. He stayed at friends’ houses, got a part-time job, and eventually moved in with friends after turning 18.
Now, his extended family wants him to reconnect with his parents, saying they’re getting older and won’t have many more chances to make amends. But OP refuses. He told them point-blank that his parents could never make up for making him feel like he wasn’t good enough.
The fallout
Extended family members say he’s being too harsh and not understanding his parents’ struggle. They want him to forgive, but OP says the emotional damage is too deep — and that he’ll be the one paying the therapy bills for years to come.
What Reddit Thinks
This one is shaping up to be a heavy NTA (Not The Ahole)** verdict. Many users believe the emotional neglect and financial deprivation OP endured were not justifiable.
Sample responses:
- “Your parents chose an imaginary child over the real one they already had. That’s on them.”
- “They had 19 years to show you love — they chose not to. Forgiveness isn’t automatic.”
- “This isn’t about IVF, it’s about neglect. You owe them nothing.”
A Final Thought
Parental dreams can be powerful, but when the pursuit of those dreams leaves a child feeling unwanted and unloved, is there ever a way back? Or are some wounds too deep to heal?