A 23-year-old woman living in the U.S. used the word “fat” to describe herself — and suddenly found herself at the center of a cultural and emotional clash with her American friend. What started as a casual comment about body size turned into a deep conversation about self-perception, sensitivity, and body positivity.
The Backstory and Early Dynamics
The original poster (OP), a 23-year-old woman from outside the United States, explained that where she comes from, calling someone “fat” isn’t necessarily an insult. It’s a neutral adjective — just like saying someone is “tall” or “short.”
Having grown up watching American TV and movies, she knew that in the U.S., the word “fat” often carries a negative meaning. So, she was careful never to describe anyone else that way. But when it came to herself, she didn’t think twice about using it.
In her own words, she wasn’t putting herself down — she was just stating a fact.
The Moment Things Shifted
One day, OP was hanging out with three female friends. While chatting casually, she said something along the lines of, “The way I eat is the reason I’m fat.”
Her friend Jamie, 25, immediately pulled her aside. She told OP not to talk badly about herself and that calling herself “fat” was unnecessary. OP clarified that she didn’t feel bad about her body — she simply used “fat” as a descriptive term.
Jamie didn’t agree. She insisted that the word carried too much negativity and could make others uncomfortable — especially since she and OP were roughly the same size.
The Final Confrontation
The real tension began when Jamie asked OP to stop calling herself fat altogether. She said hearing OP say that made her feel self-conscious, as if OP were indirectly fat-shaming her.
But OP stood firm. She calmly explained that it’s her body and her language. She can choose how to describe herself. To her, refusing to use the word “fat” just gives it more power — and she doesn’t see it as a bad word.
Jamie didn’t take that well. She accused OP of being insensitive and left upset. Their mutual friend Emily tried to stay neutral, saying she didn’t want to take sides. Now, OP feels awkward around both of them — and wonders if she crossed a line.
The Fallout
OP decided to post the story on Reddit’s AITA (Am I The Asshole) forum to get an outside opinion. She emphasized that she never called anyone else fat and that she genuinely didn’t mean to insult anyone — she just wanted to describe her own body honestly.
But now, she’s wondering: Should she have respected her friend’s discomfort, or does she have the right to define herself however she wants?
What Reddit Thinks
Reddit users overwhelmingly sided with OP — most agreed she’s NTA (Not The Asshole). Many commenters saw this as a cultural misunderstanding rather than an act of fat-shaming.
Here are some realistic examples of the responses:
u/BodyPosiBro: “You’re allowed to describe your own body however you like. She made it about herself.”
u/CultureShock23: “This is definitely cultural. In some countries, ‘fat’ isn’t an insult. Americans just attach extra emotion to it.”
u/SelfLoveMatters: “NTA — but maybe tell her it’s not self-hate. Some people just aren’t used to hearing neutral body talk.”
A few users offered mixed opinions, saying OP could’ve softened her words or explained the difference in perspective more gently. But nearly everyone agreed that self-description isn’t fat-shaming.
A Final Thought
This story isn’t just about one word — it’s about how culture shapes our relationship with our bodies. In one part of the world, calling yourself “fat” can mean self-awareness or even confidence. In another, it’s seen as an attack.
So maybe the real question isn’t who’s wrong, but why the word “fat” still has so much emotional weight in the first place.
When describing ourselves, should we aim to be polite — or honest?
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