AITA for Asking My Boyfriend to Help Pay for Groceries If I’m Always Feeding Him?
She feeds him almost every night—so why did he get upset when she asked him to pitch in for groceries?
She cooks. She shops. She pays.
He shows up, eats, and gets upset when she finally asks for help.
Now she’s wondering if asking for a little grocery money makes her the bad guy.
She loves him. She loves having him over. She just doesn’t love footing the entire grocery bill.
A 24-year-old woman wrote into Reddit’s AITA forum with a question that sparked some serious debate:
Is it wrong to ask your boyfriend to pitch in for food when you’re always the one doing the shopping, cooking, and paying?
She and her 35-year-old boyfriend are coworkers. They make the same salary, but their lifestyles are very different.
“I live alone and cover all my own bills — rent, car, phone, insurance, gas, groceries. He still lives at home and has basically no expenses.”
Because she lives closer to work, he often comes over after their shifts. She says she genuinely enjoys his company and doesn’t mind that he’s at her place so often.
But here’s the thing:
He never brings food. Never offers to chip in. And never even asks.
“I cook for both of us every time. And honestly? It’s getting expensive.”
When she brought it up, he got defensive.
Recently, she decided to say something.
She told him that feeding two adults almost every night was starting to add up and asked if he’d be willing to contribute toward groceries. She didn’t demand it — just brought it up as a practical concern.
“He got upset. Like genuinely mad. He said I was making a big deal out of nothing and that he doesn’t eat that much.”
That’s when she started wondering if she’d crossed a line.
“I’m not trying to charge him rent. I’m just tired of being the only one responsible for dinner when we both work full time.”
She also added that when they go out to eat, they either split the bill or she ends up covering more than her share. So it’s not like he’s making up for it elsewhere.
What Reddit Thinks
Reddit had a LOT to say about this one — and most people didn’t hold back.
Top comment:
“NTA. If he’s old enough to date you, he’s old enough to bring over a frozen pizza or a bag of groceries once in a while.”
Another chimed in:
“He’s 35. He has no bills. And he still thinks feeding himself is your job? Huge red flag.”
Many commenters pointed out that this isn’t just about groceries — it’s about respect and effort in the relationship.
“Relationships aren’t free rides. If he’s benefiting from your time, space, and food, he should be contributing. Period.”
However, a few people did offer a softer take:
“Maybe he’s not used to managing food costs. If he’s been living at home for a while, he might genuinely not realize how expensive groceries are.”
But even then, they agreed:
Once you explain it to someone and they still get mad? That’s a problem.
So… is she wrong for asking?
At the end of the day, this isn’t about nickels and dimes.
It’s about fairness.
She’s not asking him to move in or start paying rent.
She’s just saying, “Hey, if we’re eating dinner together five nights a week, could you grab a few groceries?”
If that’s enough to set him off, maybe the grocery bill isn’t the only thing getting too heavy to carry.
What Do You Think?
Should he be pitching in for dinner?
Or should she keep paying to keep the peace?
