Are you about to go through a divorce? This is going to be a stressful time in your life, but you’re not alone. An estimated over 40% of marriages end in divorce (with higher percentages for second or third marriages).
That said, your divorce doesn’t have to be painful. While some conditions remove the ability to have an amicable and easy divorce (such as infidelity or abuse), there are a few things that all traditional easy divorces have in common.
Whether you’re going through a mediator or an attorney, having a simple divorce is easier on you, easier on any children that you may have, and easier on your spouse.
Keep reading to learn how to have an amicable divorce by seeing what every easy divorce has in common.
The majority of successful and easy divorces are a result of a mutual agreement that a divorce is the most logical choice. When both spouses grow apart, no longer have the same wants or goals, or otherwise want to find happiness outside of the marriage, they may both want the divorce.
When you start to feel as though your marriage isn’t working, the first step should be talking to your partner and seeking out marriage counseling.
Sometimes marriage counseling is successful and you and your spouse can work out your problems (even with more serious issues) without a divorce being necessary at the time.
Other times, counseling is exactly what you need to come to terms with the fact that a divorce is the best option. You get to talk openly through an unbiased third party, making it easier to open up about your wants.
When both partners can agree that a divorce is best, the rest of the process is easier.
2. Open Communication
Speaking of communication, open and honest communication throughout the divorce process is just as important as it is when you’re deciding to get the divorce in the first place.
Some people make the mistake of only communicating through their attorneys. This isolates both spouses and allows resentment to build. This also isn’t good for children who need to see that their parents are able to communicate without anger.
Talk to your spouse about what both of you want and need from the divorce. This makes it easier to divide assets and manage child support (if necessary) in the future.
As we mentioned, communicating with anger is counterproductive when you want to have an amicable divorce. Even if the decision for your divorce wasn’t mutual, you should still be empathetic to your spouse. Remember, you love or loved them in the past. Keep this in mind.
Your spouse has probably been your primary support figure for the duration of your marriage. Maintaining that support during this difficult time and trying to understand each other’s needs is difficult, but helpful.
You need to be flexible if you want to have an easy divorce. Many people, upon realizing that a divorce is imminent, do everything that they can to protect their assets, maintain full or primary custody of their children, and maintain control over the entire situation.
The fact is that you can’t both control the divorce unless you’re willing to work together and negotiate. It isn’t fair for one person to walk away with everything, and if you have children, you have another factor to work into your negotiations: their best interests.
It’s a good idea for both of you to bring what you want to the table. Make lists of the assets that you want to maintain and check them against the ones that your spouse wants. Discuss child support, the home, money, and any spousal support that might be necessary.
Be willing to loosen up on some of your wants and demands and encourage your partner to do the same. Keeping a flexible mindset helps you avoid the rising tensions that often come alongside the divorce process.
5. Good Help
Even the most amicable divorces need help. There are a few ways to go about things.
If you know that you and your spouse are on the same page about everything, you can file for an uncontested divorce. This is the easiest way to go about things and it might be possible if you and your spouse have already talked things through.
You could also hire a mediator. They can help you work through the negotiating process so that you’re later able to file for an uncontested divorce without the help of a lawyer.
For more complicated situations, hiring a divorce attorney is your best bet. Even if you’re in an amicable situation, they can help you make sure that complicated issues like child support are being handled the right way.
If you’ve chosen an uncontested divorce, consider using a divorce attorney to look over paperwork to make sure you’ve filed correctly and everyone has their interests protected.
6. Emotional Support
Emotional support is a must-have during every divorce. As we mentioned, your spouse was your primary support while you were married. While you should still support each other, you need to find new pillars of support as well.
Spend time with friends or family while you’re going through the divorce process. This can help with grief, stress, and getting your mind off of things when you’re not in negotiations.
It’s also a good idea to seek out a personal counselor or therapist. They can help you work through any emotions that you have regarding the divorce that you don’t feel comfortable talking about with others.
Easy Divorces Aren’t Impossible
If you and your spouse have decided that divorce is the best choice, you don’t have to struggle through fights in court. Easy divorces are possible if you take the correct steps and talk to your spouse openly.
While this is a difficult time, it’s for the best. Once you get through it you can begin your new life.
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