When a frustrated sister-in-law suggested that housework might help fix her brother-in-law’s intimacy issues, all hell broke loose.
The backstory and early dynamics
The poster’s husband and his brother, Colin (41), had gone golfing. During the outing, Colin wouldn’t stop complaining about how he and his wife, Marie (40), barely had intimacy anymore. Later, when the poster asked her sister (Marie) what was going on, the answer was simple: Colin never helped around the house.
Marie was left to handle dinner, kids, and bedtime routines after her own workday, while Colin chose the gym or sports. By the time she finished, she was too exhausted to think about romance.
The moment things shifted
That evening at dinner, the poster’s husband set the tone differently. After ordering food, picking it up, and bringing wine and dessert, he started clearing the table once everyone finished. He even told the women to sit down while he and Colin would handle cleanup, since they had been golfing all day.
But as predicted, Colin immediately tried to duck out of helping. That’s when the poster dropped the line that lit the fuse:
“Colin, maybe if you helped clear the table then Marie might be in the mood later.”
The final confrontation
Colin exploded. He ranted that he was busy, didn’t have time for chores, and that he didn’t want a “transactional” marriage where doing favors was the price of intimacy. Things escalated further when he made a crude remark, pointing at the poster’s husband and asking if she would “blow him tonight because he did the dishes.”
The poster stood her ground, explaining that it wasn’t about the dishes—it was about emotional support, partnership, and easing her burden. Colin stormed out of the house and didn’t come back until after everyone left.
The fallout
Marie later admitted Colin hasn’t spoken to her since that night. The poster is torn—did she overstep, or was her blunt comment exactly the wake-up call Colin needed to hear? Now, Marie’s marriage feels shaken, and the poster is wrestling with guilt.
What Reddit Thinks
Reddit would likely land NTA (Not the Ahole)**, with some sympathy for Marie being stuck in the middle.
Sample responses might include:
- NTA: “You just said out loud what Marie’s been silently dealing with. He needed to hear it.”
- NTA but risky: “Not your circus, not your monkeys… but you’re right. He’s weaponizing laziness.”
- ESH (a softer take): “Your point was valid, but calling him out in front of everyone guaranteed a blowup.”
A Final Thought
Was the poster wrong for crossing a line into another couple’s marriage—or was she right to shine a light on a truth that Colin refuses to face? Sometimes silence keeps the peace, but does it also keep bad behavior alive?