AITA for Refusing to Keep Paying “Black Tax” Even Though My Family Is Struggling?

She paid for groceries, school fees, medical bills, and even a cousin’s wedding.
Now, she’s saving for her future — and being called selfish for saying no.
Is she turning her back on family… or finally choosing herself?

She’s 28, financially stable, and finally saving. But her family calls it betrayal.

A 28-year-old African woman took to Reddit to ask a deeply personal question:
Is she the ahole for refusing to keep supporting her extended family — even though she’s the only one with a steady income?**

“I work as a teacher. I’m not rich, but I’m doing okay. Since I started working, I’ve been expected to help everyone — pay for cousins’ school, cover groceries, send money to my mom, fix cars… even help fund a cousin’s wedding.”

She explained that this type of financial support is commonly referred to as “Black tax” — an unwritten cultural expectation that those who make it, support those who haven’t yet.

“I’ve done it for years. I grew up with it. I understand it. But lately, it’s too much.”

She finally said “no more”… and the backlash was immediate.

After years of putting her family’s needs first, she hit a breaking point.

“I told them I’m not a bank. I’ve started saving for myself — therapy, travel, my own apartment. I told my mom I’ll still help with needs, but not everything.”

Her mom cried.
Her aunt called her “whitewashed.”
Her brother said she’s become “selfish” and forgotten where she came from.

“But I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck while they bought new phones and clothes. I’ve missed out on opportunities. I’ve drained my savings. I still love them, but I’m tired.”

What Reddit Thinks

Reddit’s response was overwhelmingly supportive — and emotional.

Top comment:

“You’re not selfish. You’re just human. You cannot pour from an empty cup.”

Another added:

“Choosing yourself does not mean abandoning others. It means not abandoning yourself.”

Many users, especially from similar cultural backgrounds, shared that “Black tax” is real — and deeply complicated:

“It’s hard. You grow up hearing that family is everything. But sometimes family is what keeps you stuck. And you have to break the cycle to build something better.”

Others pointed out that financial help should come with boundaries — especially when it’s being taken for granted.

“They’ll call you selfish while draining you dry. And the second you collapse, they’ll ask what’s wrong with you.”

So… is she wrong for choosing herself?

This isn’t just about money.
It’s about generational pressure, emotional guilt, and the weight of expectations carried by so many first-generation earners around the world.

She’s not abandoning her family.
She’s just asking for a little space — to breathe, to heal, to build something for herself.
Because the truth is: if you’re always the safety net, you never get to fly.