AITA for Not Bringing Gifts to My Nephews’ Birthdays After My Kids Got Nothing?
She never missed a birthday or a gift—until she noticed her own kids were never even acknowledged.
For the past few years, I’ve played the “good sister” and “good aunt” role without fail. Every time my nephews had a birthday party, I’d load up my kids, pick out thoughtful gifts, wrap them nicely, show up with smiles, and celebrate like any loving family member would.
But here’s the thing—my kids never got that in return.
I’m a 34-year-old mom of two. Every year, we throw birthday parties for our children, invite the whole family, and hope they feel just as loved as everyone else’s kids do. My brother, sister-in-law, and their kids have attended a few of these over the years… but never once brought a gift. Not even a birthday card. Not even a “happy birthday” text the next day.
It’s not just the absence of presents. It’s the silence.
The kind that builds over time and starts to feel loud.
At first, I brushed it off. Maybe they forgot. Maybe they’re busy. Maybe it’s just not a priority.
But after four years of this—after seeing my kids notice that their cousins never seem to care—it started to feel personal.
This Year, I Made a Change.
When my nephew’s birthday came around again, I still showed up. I still brought my kids. I still wished him well and shared in the celebration. But for the first time ever… I didn’t bring a gift.
No big announcement. No drama. Just quiet boundaries.
And guess what happened?
Within hours of leaving the party, I started getting texts from my parents—not even from my brother or sister-in-law! They said I was being “petty,” “immature,” and “taking things out on the kids.” Apparently, someone complained to them behind the scenes.
My jaw nearly hit the floor.
Where was all this outrage when my kids were the ones being excluded?
Where was this energy when they got no gifts, no “happy birthday,” no acknowledgment for years?
Now that I’ve finally stopped playing the family doormat, I’m the problem?
What Reddit Would Probably Say:
Not the A-hole.
Here’s why Reddit would likely back you:
- Reciprocity matters. You’re not asking for anything extravagant—just equal effort.
- Emotional labor is real. You’ve been doing all the giving, and it’s okay to step back.
- Protecting your kids matters. They’re watching. They feel things. You’re allowed to stand up for them without guilt.
Reddit might also say: “Don’t let family guilt you into being the only one giving. That’s not love—that’s obligation dressed as tradition.”
A Few Would Say:
“Yeah, but the kids didn’t do anything wrong.”
Fair. But here’s the hard truth: kids learn from their parents. And in this case, it’s the parents who set the tone for how relationships are handled in the family. If they wanted a different outcome, they could’ve led with kindness years ago.
Final Thoughts
You’re not punishing children.
You’re setting a boundary for your own kids. You’re teaching them that relationships should be mutual—and that their birthdays matter just as much.
If someone is only nice when they benefit from your generosity, maybe that relationship was never as fair as you thought.
So, AITA for not bringing gifts anymore?
No. You’re just choosing balance over burnout.
And honestly, it’s about time.
